Wednesday 25 May 2011

Cafe Alt Wien

On our last day we decide to return to Cafe Alt Wien, as my Russian friend wants to enjoy the delicious and very affordable goulash once more. Our Viennese friend had warned us that this coffeehouse was very popular among Vienna's artsy intelligentsia crowd, but what we had to witness here was too much: a man in his fourties, dressed in camouflage pants, sat along at the adjacent table, sipping the local beer EGGER reading Heidegger's 600 pagee long "BEING AND TIME". He did not look like he understood what he was reading, but who knows, this is supposed to be a coffeehouse for intellectuals. I decided to watch him closely, however, in case I get the chance to expose him as a fraud.

Some time later, the goulash still hasn't been served, I glance over to his table once more, and I finally have evidence: by now, he had put down "BEING AND TIME", which I assume had been too hard to follow after several pints of EGGER beer and without the necessary philosophical grounding, and was now cheerfully reading the first pages of a book called "MIT KANT AM STRAND" (it translates as "On the beach with Kant" but sounds much funnier in German due to the rhyme. You can understand it as "Philosophy for dummies").

At this point our goulash was served, and we decided to dedicate our efforts to the lowest levels of Maslov's pyramid, unlike our neighbour.

Cafe Diglas

I only jot down a few notes at Cafe Diglas:

waitress - unfriendly

coffee - undrinkable, bitter, vending machine coffee

"Kaiserschmarn" - delicious, as is the bread

our conclusion: not the top of our list but worth it just for the Kaiserschmarn

Cafe Hawelka

It is already 11pm when we arrive at the almost empty but they still let us order fresh Buchteln and a Melange (not a Viennese melange this time, we are learning!). Buchteln are a sweet pastry that they call Berliner in Hamburg and Wiener in Berlin (hence the story that Kennedy called the citizens of Berlin doughnuts, which is not really accurate as the Berliners themselves call doughnuts Wiener, not Berliner).


Two young German tourists sit down behind us and ask the waiter if they serve anything sweet. "Yes, Buchteln" - the waiter appears furious about their ignorance. "Ok, we'll have Buchteln then" the tourists quickly agree, they seem intimidated. As soon as the waiter has left for the kitchen, I hear one of the guys ask his companion "what the hell are Buchteln?". His friend doesn't know either.

We, however, take a last sip from our melange and ask for the Zettel. It is midnight now and we can sleep well with a belly full of Buchteln and Viennese coffee.

Cafe Englaender

For dinner we meet a Viennese friend, and she suggests her favourite spot Cafe Englaender. We learn that Viennese waiters do not call the bill a bill but ZETTEL (basically, a piece of paper). We enjoy sitting outside in the hot summer air and eat fatty meaty Austrian food, which is delicious. When our Viennese friend needs to part, she recommends us to go to Cafe Hawelka for dessert as it is well known for an Austrian specialty named Buchteln.

Cafe Prueckel

It is half past eight on a beautiful Sunday morning and Cafe Diglas (which has been recommended to me for its delicious Kaiserschmarn) is still closed, hence we end up at Cafe Prueckel. We don't expect to meet any real Viennese so early in the morning but we are clearly wrong. There's an old lady sitting at the window already and we can see she has already hoarded ten newspapers for the day. Next to us we find a group of elderly men playing cards. Shortly after, a young student enters with her laptop and sits down in a quiet corner to start writing.

Neither the coffee nor the bread are as good as in Cafe Central or Cafe Sperl, the highlight of our visit are the cards the old men play with: they seem to be supersized especially for those of poor eyesight, we have never before or after seen such cards.

Cafe Sperl

We spend the morning in the Kunsthistorisches Museum, are surprised by the extent and quality of the art collection and decide to take a lunch break at Cafe Sperl for our second coffee house visit.

We are determined not to embarass ourselves again and instead decide to impress the waiters with our Vienna coffee expertise. 

My Russian friend decides to order a Pharisaer und ich go for Maria Theresia as we like the names.


Pharisäer: allegedly only 4 cl Rum with sugar, hot coffee and whipped cream in a glas

Maria Theresia: coffee with orange licor and brandy

Einspänner:  black coffee, sugar and whipped cream in a glas

                    Instead of a cozy shot of rum they seem to have filled at least half the glass with rum, easily knocking out my vodka loving Russian travel companion. We vow only to order Einspänner going forward. Our stomachs are soothed somewhat by the lovely Viennese Schnitzel and we can dedicate our afternoon to the second part of the museum's impressive art collection with a warm and fuzzy feeling in our bellies.


Cafe Sperl is one of the coffee houses we liked the best - you could easily spend the whole day here, it attracts a very diverse crowd and the food is very good. The waiters serve you when you need them but leave you in peace most of the time.

Cafe Central

We choose Leon Trotsky's old hangout Cafe Central for our first Vienna coffeehouse visit. We assume that through its association with Leon Trotsky and resulting coverage in all Vienna travel guides, it must be a touristy place where we can make all the mistakes and not embarass ourselves before venturing into the more authentic Viennese coffeehouses.

We arrive early to the almost empty coffeehouse and are welcomed by a neatly dressed waiter. For a start, I order a "Viennese Melange" and quickly realise what a faux pas this as as the waiter raises his eyebrows and paraphrases "so you want a melange". When he asks us if we want anything else apart from the "Viennese breakfast" (coffee, orange juice, bread with marmelade and a boiled egg) , my Russian friend (who learnt his German in Norther Germany) answers "nee" and "noe" before finally getting to the proper Viennese answer "nah!!". We are so bad at pretending to be Viennese!


Breakfast is delicious, the coffee is good, the waiters are professional and we can relax and read the newspaers. Even the price is very affordable. We came here expecting a touristy cafe, which it is to some extent because of the people who come here (including us), but we do feel comfortable and well served and are positively surprised by Cafe Central.

Roaming around Vienna coffeehouses

Vienna's coffeehouses are legendary. My imagination had been fed during adolescence, reading the novels of Joseph Roth, Friedrich Torberg and Leon Trotsky's autobiography. In 2009, I went to Vienna for the first time in my life, apprehensive about Vienna and if reality would live up to my imagination. I decided to spend most of my time in Vienna trying out new coffeehouses every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I recorded my impressions from each coffeehouse visit in a notebook and decided to share these impressions for future Vienna travellers. The Blog contains impressions from the following Vienna coffeehouses:

Cafe Altwien